Why I'm the way I am

I'm going out on a limb here with the self-analyzing thing, but I have a bit of the rebel in me.

I realize fully what I am. To put it in words of one of my most favorite movies of all time, The Birdcage,

Albert: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!
Armand: I made you short?

I am so Albert. Not saying it is a not a good thing. Only it is what it is.

So why am I, well, the way I am? To start with, I know I make a production out of things. And this the trait in particular that I am analyzing. Mainly because that is the part that even gets on my nerves. Do you think I LIKE dancing around like a fool in circles, explaining, planning, explaining, analyzing, explaining? The answer here would be no.

See that poor little man in the cartoon? I feel for him. That would be me. Why? Because if the chairs aren't perfect, then the rest is downhill. Someone won't see...someone else won't hear...then the whole meeting has gone to hell in a handbasket before it ever started.

And how did I get to this point. Surprisingly, I know. My job has made me anal. (My job: I made you anal?) I work in a life and death situation every minute of everyday at work. Even the most common, benign surgeries can go bad in a heartbeat. Literally.

My job? It is to make sure that all my ducks are in a row prior to getting the patient into the surgical suite. Not that that eliminates the possibility of things going down the tubes, but it certainly decreases the craziness that ensues if it does. My job demands that I make a production out of each and every case I do. I have to analyze and plan for any possibilities that may occur.

Being the way I am...call it anal or organized...could very well be the deciding factor in the outcome of someone's surgery. Not to be taken lightly. And that is probably why I live with a knot in my shoulders that drive massage therapists crazy.

So, in conclusion, I am the way I am out of necessity. Unfortunately, this trait has spilled over into my life outside of work. Realizing this, I will attempt to work on being more spontaneous in my everyday life at home. No promises.